Rabu, 14 April 2010

Diantara banyak orang

*CURCOL*

yes, this is actually a private matter that can't be told to anyone, but anyway ... I want to tell.

Since i've not with 'him' anymore, I'm hard to understand my feelings. I am confused with a sense of trust. What is it? Someone said to me, if it feels confident to trust in someone if he is going to do something worthwhile. well, actually it's difficult to express. But this feeling has made me DYING for awhile. I have to believe in a thing called guy for a long time, but I'm ignored. Then where the sense of belief? It has gone from me.

I'm confused about the difference of liked, admired and loved

I have ever liked someone. Well, so far... if I meet someone I like, I'm nervous , but time erase my feeling, as I have no good word in a person I love. And when I like someone I feel I wanna him to care me. I wish to have him. :)

I have ever admired someone. Admire someone is very interesting for me. Because every time I see someone who I admire, I'm  happy. I want to smile. :D

I don't know about love at all. I can't say that I have ever love someone. I just ever 'falling in love' but I don't know exactly what its mean. :c 

I have ever in relationship with a boy. My days were so great when I was with him. But when he said goodbye, I felt I'm played. He threw away me, keep away and ignored me. so f*** ! I was going to hate him at this time. But I can't.

That's the fact, I can't forget him. I CAN'T. I've tried so many ways to forget him, but they don't work at all. I'm suck. :( 

After the first broke up, I meet many more guys. But I try to not love them all. WE JUST FRIEND. I'm in a trauma. I don't wanna believe in guys anymore. Just like my mom said, "Guys are Suck" :I ! you truly right mom!

But...

my life is FLAT now. -_________- i realize, without guys my life is boring. soooooo flat. flat flat flat.

and i decide to search someone to be very special :) 

I've fouuuuuuuuuuuund! *overact. but there're few people, and it impossible to me to like all hahaaaaa.

First, Radium, that's the way my friend, Sandika and I call him. So simple name. He's my senior at JHS and SHS. His face is like my ex's friend. But... I feel that I just admire him. Because everytime we meet, I was so 'overact' and get ashamed. *sigh, he doesn't know me at all. I'm his secret admirer*. 

Second, My Dea(e)r, my childhood friend. He's my ex's friend when he was in ES. I always get excited when he send me a chat or when he send me a tweet. :D But, actually, i'm confused, because he is younger than me! *sigh, although it just several months*. how silly i am!

Third, the unusual omega, wooooo... the other name is so many, I can't tell it here, maybe someone will know. He's acceleration student, just like me. He was my friend's childhood friend. ohh! complicated! I just know a little about him. I got excited when he send me a wall post, a chat or he talk to me :). *I want the weekend when he and me together back again* :')

that's all ... I've many boy friend, but no boyfriend. wooo~ what im talking about? its too embarrassing... (silly face)

that's all the people who fulfill my life now, make my life more better than just a flat life. hooooow kind they are! :D ;D XD !

and then, im hang on my hope at them, wish they can make me more care, or ... maybe ... love them. :) make my life live ! Make my sense of trust back again, oh pliss!><


posted by TYS ! 21:03 14th April 2010

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